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Psychological advice – I need advice on how to achieve a stable healthy lifestyle plus more importantly practical steps on how to escape the rut I am in right now

Psychological advice – I need advice on how to achieve a stable healthy lifestyle plus more importantly practical steps on how to escape the rut I am in right now

Query Statement: I need advice on how to achieve a stable healthy lifestyle plus more importantly practical steps on how to escape the rut im in right now. i was a very smart, inquisitive kid with great potential and greater dreams but now owing to terrible home situation,bad “friends” and thanks to attending the absolutely worst school that money can buy im a hopelessly depressed 18 year old girl with no friends, no supporting and loving family ,zero extracuricullar credits, ghastly grades and no future prospects whatsoever stuck in a terrible home and society that is slowly but surely suffocating me and i honestly dont know how long i can hang in here. i dont want to go to university and there are several good reasons for that but most importantly i know i wouldnt make it past a single semester because of the mental state im in at the moment and there seems to be no mercy from the situation at home. i live in islamabad and desperately need information about any university that will take me in with terrible grades as long as i get to live in a hostel or the university is abroad. please do help.

Education Level: Intermediate

Subject Related Skills: none

Non Subject Related Skills: none

Interests: help people to form a society a well ruled society where women are not inferior

Career Objective: none

Counseling (History): 3 sessions with a local government hospital psychologist. Family stopped taking me to her after 3 sessions though to be honest i dont think it was helping much. I went there due to severe concentration and memory problems

CCP Pakistan advisors’ replies

Hasnain Malik

For such counseling do me email on my address hasnainmalikpk@gmail.com you can be successful in your life and your own will can change the world

Syed Iqbal Haider

To me, you seem like a sharp and smart girl, you are very intelligent and perhaps, at some early stage of your life you have also lived abroad? Because your composition of English language is very good, as compared to a typical girl from Pakistan.

Your frustrations, as per your letter, emanate from your domestic life, perhaps the treatment of parents, or other members of your family, as I understand.

These frustrations do not let your emotions settle in you, and let you relax, which may be the major cause of poor memory.

My suggestion is to:

1- Take control of yourself, i.e. possess your emotions, relax and slow down your actions and reactions in life.

Just think that world was there when you were not there and it will keep running when you will not be there.

Why should we worry, over which we do not have any control?

Plan and organize your own life, without expecting any help or words of praise.

Take negative comments as somebody’s opinion- remember that everybody has a right to say their opinion, right or wrong, irrespective of our thinking.

 2- If you have a relative living abroad, UK, USA or Canada, you should try to move there.

These countries speak English and you can continue your education in a more relaxed atmosphere and away from the environment, you do not like.

Even if you feel that you need a professional Medical Opinion (since you mentioned that you were seeing a Psychologist), you will be treated well.

3- Make some good friends, with whom you can chat freely and empty your basket of frustrations.

Please, do not hesitate to contact me, if you need to discuss anything.

REGARDS

Uzma Sadaqat

I would recommend you to see a Psychologist along with your parents. You need a proper counselling regimen to manage your life matters. Let’s put first things first and focusl on your health. Health issues are related to your physical, psychological, social & spiritual wellness. Study comes after you are able to adopt a healthy lifestyle.
I’m sure you have a great potential to manage your life in a positive way.

With prayers,

Dr. Muhammad Yaseen

Aslam-o-Aliykum,
I gone through your email that you are seeking some advice.
I have read your medical history that you have mentioned. You even could write your name.
Don’t depress yourself try your level best to offer your prayers on regular basis. First I try to motivate you towards Allah and His countless blessings.
May Allah give you good health, happiness and prosperity? Aameen

Regards

Sajid Ali

Thanks for your contact and extremely sorry to know the way you lived now. you are still a kid so you still have time to back on track as par as the psychological support so it’s just your trust on yourself and the hope for good.
i must to assure you that one day you will laughing on your current time when you became a successful professional Insha Allah.
Let me know about your field and level of study i will try to look out an institution for you to proceed with your education and your joining university will definitely help you in changing your family’s perception and please don’t be dishearten.

Dr Syed Moazzam

Hopelessness is a sin. Life is to do something. God has created you for some role on earth. so find out your hidden talent.

My suggestion is to try for admission abroad .may be in China under TWAS CAS scholarship. I do hope you can get it.

In the present circumstances you need to go out of the prevailing environment.

Dr Muhammad Ather Rafi

It will be good if you visit Allama Iqbal Open University web site and register yourself instead of wasting your precious time and stable yourself and then try to get good results.

Saima Tabasum

This girl seriously needs an immediate and detailed consultation not only with Psychologist but with an experienced Psychiatrist as well to treat her severely depresses mental state. It is very important to find out the root cause/causes driving her to this situation so that the probability and possible means of her wellbeing and getting back to normal life can be figured out. As in such cases not only circumstances and external factors but persons own believes, attitude and capability to handle difficult situations also play an important role to bring  people to this mental state.

Unfortunately I don’t exactly remember how many advisors in our team are Psychologist or Psychiatrist by profession, but I would like to request them to please add your comments and opinion about this particular case to help her as she has mentioned that she is completely lacking support from family and friends.

I am very keen to know that  how could we help such cases as a team and I will  request Mr. Noor to keep me in the loop for any further communication/development done in this case.
Once she is back to a healthy normal mental state, after that we can work on her professional counselling that how she can move forward in her professional life.

Regards,

Muhammad Ali

Thank you for your query and extremely sorry for late reply.

I have read and understood the situation you facing now a days, i have concluded following suggestions for you.

1- To achieve stable healthy life, you must focus on yourself that you are more important than others, your life have a worth and you are much better than others.

2- To escape from this situation, you must have to change your gatherings, your social circle, friends because when eventually you fall down at any step, none of your friend will be standing with you, because the “bad friends” are for the time being until and unless you are standing with them. Once you fall, they will leave you.

3- There is no need to be depressed as you are still 18 and have future to do more as you have supporting family, which surely support you at any cost, but most important is YOU, how much you oblige them in return.

4-There are so many universities in Islamabad where you can get admission, like Allama Iqbal Open University, Federal Urdu University, because for the grades and merit criteria they can provide you admission on as it basis, where you can continue your studies which eventually get you out of this rid.

5- Try to have busy life in home & studies, don’t need to attend any party, friends and social circles, because it is the direct impact on your friends “bad friends” for which you are slowly suffering off, but still the time is here.

Moreover, get focused on yourself, no need to be depressed more, whatever was a terrible past, but make your present and future more brighter not for others but for yourself.

Disconnect yourself from your friends circle, have faith of Allah, you are still 18 and have much to do.

Truly saying that as I have read your query, i am much worried about the situation you are in, but don’t loss the faith, have trust and work hard, there is more to come now..

Smile, it cost nothing :)

​Take care,

Engr. Ali Soomr

Dr Muhammad Azam Tahir

Frankly speaking “This is your life; Try to Live it”.
There is a famous saying “A child is beautiful but the society is Ugly“.
Means you are part of your family, college, society but living distinctly with your own style would make the difference.
Please try to suggest yourself. Change your thought style, walk, exert physically, and try to interact with some positive and progressing peers.
I need more elaborated story to suggest you more appropriate.  Anyhow, be faithful to yourself and enjoy your life.
I would suggest to join, at BS level, Department of Behavioral Sciences at NUST Islamabad.
It would help you more positively.
Wish you great future.

Safeer Abbas

There is nothing in this world that can trouble you more than your own thoughts.

Dear are you business women??? No, you are not… Its mean your family is looking after you. In fact if you get a chance to study abroad or any good university, your family will support you… Please, don’t let down their love and care, they are giving you from your birth to present. Ups and down are the part of life. Just relax take a long breath… Inhale … Exhale…

Nothing is bad until or unless you develop the skill to see the colors of life. Now you’ll think; “I’ve ruined every color, no one love me, no one like me, no one trust me…”. Hey, it’s you, yes it’s you… who stop to do love and trust… Just go to your all family members one by one… and say “Thank you for all the love and care, thank you, for each and every moment”.

I know you’ll not ready to do it. But I request you, take it as an experiment… Give it a try… Start it from elder family member to whom you think once they were so close and loving to you.

Hey! I know you are reading it carefully. I swear, nothing is bad out there… everyone wants to see you with a smiling face. People just get bore to see a flat face all the time. Please, give a li’l smile… Smile… SMILE…

And you said “honestly I don’t know how long i can hang in here” I can tell you, how long you’ll be in such situations, when you want to say no to the bore flat face. It’s up to you.

Listen dear, past will never come, but you have present to decorate your future with flowers of love and care. And you’ll see everything will be good with the goodness in you. Now you’ll think there is not any goodness in my… No dear I carefully read your query and I found some goodness, that’s why I am asking you all these.

Please, increase the part of fresh juices and ice cream in your diet (if you have not any medical history regarding diet).

Everything would be good

Faisla Ayub

Many times life is not what we expect it to be and times are difficult. This can be because of a number of reasons. Although I am not a psychologist and have limited knowledge in the field but as a fellow human being I will try to give you the best advice I can.

First of all I can see from your writing that you have a good and stable mind and that you can express yourself. You might be stressed out and it will be hard to find solutions because of your occupied mind but I think you should not worry. This phase of your life will pass and soon you will be as healthy and cheerful as anyone.

There are a few things that I will suggest and i hope they will help you come out of the situation.

  • Make connection with Allah. You might be praying regularly but this is additional to that. You have to do something just between you and Allah for one hour. this can be reading Quran with translation and Tafseer  if possible or make zikr or just sit quietly trying to think nothing but Allah.
  • I think taking admission in a languages college would help as generally these are interesting to people and atmosphere is good as well. I will suggest NUML or similar sort of a university where you only learn the language and nothing els.
  • Go out for a walk in the evening. Preferably in your lawn if possible or in your street. Make sure it’s safe to go.
  • Whatever situation come try and see the positive side of it first even if it you cannot see it initially
  • Last but not the least. if our decisions or wishes are not coming true in our life, then it’s the decisions and wishes of Allah which are better for us in any case.

 Hope this would be of any help to you.

Regards

Student Response:

Here is student’s reply to your advises

Thank you for your responses, it is much more than i expected. At the moment i am in a better mental state. my family is now forcing me to apply for medical sciences in government universities such as nust which is a dumb thing to do specially keeping in mind my grades and lack of motivation to study, for some reason they have chosen to ignore the high merit needed for medical and are insisting on it and spending much needed money. i am thinking about maybe doing law in postgraduate though taking a gap year requires staying at home and  with the whole neighborhood  and family now constantly on my back to apply ,i think its best if i just do as it will give me much needed space from the house. Obviously the medical thing is not going to happen so i was thinking i should apply in psychology and hope this all works out at home though i am concerned that it would require too much memorisation and interaction with people and not provide me suitable chances to go abroad etc . could you guys recommend good universities for this that also sponsor student exchange programs etc. but most importantly i would really like to go back to the person i was and the mental capabilities i had once and prevent any further relapses into this hopeless state ,any suggestions? Attending councelling sessions is not possible for me whatsoever.

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